My last post till December! I fully expected this last month to be extremely frustrating, being that- NCEA is just in 4 weeks time- but it’s surprisingly, not. *senses warm fuzzy feeling* Hee! :p Hope i’ll do well.
Oeeii, You make me so so happy, baby!
I just love it when you wake up to a gray morning. It makes you feel torpid. I had a good night’s rest, more energy for studying today! Hopefully i’ll see that Channing Tatum look-alike again today. Hee hee! No but seriously, he looked so similar! 
Like omgosh he’s just so hot. Arrh…
I absolutely adore James Morisson! He’s a mix of James Blunt, John Meyer and Rob Thomas. Go listen to some of his songs if you can. I particularly like One Last Chance and Wonderful World. ♥
I think I’m going to start cutting down on internet-ing. :p Exams are too soon. I’m going to go on a one month anti-friendster campaign. Starting from the 24th of October till the 30th of November (end of exam stressing, and so forth woohoo!). Omgosh if I screw up my grades I won’t be allowed to go home next July! *cry
Anyway, i have to get myself breakfast/branch/lunch. I’m famished.
We went jogging at Cornwall Park this morning- Lynnie, Jade and I- which served as a form of “feel good” adrenaline rush for the first couple of hours, until it kicked in during study time.
I feel so bloody annoyed today. I can’t stand having to pack my stuff and move out of the house for another week! It’s fucking stupid. And because I’m frustrating myself I’ve refused to move into my friend’s this weekend, only when school starts, which makes me even more bothered now, cause that just means I’m going to be home alone for 3 days. I’d imagine myself being remarkably overjoyed, but I’m not. I’ve been feeling exasperatingly anxious lately- just awfully concerned, wary, scared. Haha, I’m such a loser. I think I need my mommy, or a psychiatrist. To a certain extent, I also blame the exam stress, which reminds me- FOUR MORE WEEKS!
I can’t sleep. But I’m fucking tired. I feel in the mood to stab someone. It’s driving me nuts. I think I’m being dumb, or paranoid, or stupid. I’m really not sure. Why? UH. I’m going to get myself a pepper spray, or two, when I go back. I want to move out of this place I’m staying at. I just don’t feel safe. I’m alone nearly 6 days a week, apart from dinner time. I want to move in with a proper family, with people actually at home who I can go to if anything happens.
I’m not being a wuss. I’m just fucking disturbed.
I’ve been feeling heights of immeasurable ecstasy. I’m on cloud nine, and I love it! ♥ It’s like deciphering a secret code I’ve been trying to figure out for ages, and finally, making complete sense out of everything I needed, wanted to know. A mixture of fulfillment, accomplishment, pleasure, delight, joy. Hmm… J
I’m satisfied. Happy, very happy.
Other than the fact that I lost so badly to Cliff today at tennis. I feel like THE actual loser number 1! Hahahaha! He’s so bloody cocky about it too. I’m gonna whoop his ass this Monday, just wait.
I’m going to be kicked out of my home-stay AGAIN this Saturday. It’s been the 5th time this year, and mom’s getting really pissed. I don’t blame her, I’m getting annoyed myself, having to move out of the house so often. I’m moving out for good next year. Need to find myself a new home-stay first though… But nobody wants me!
Off to bed for me.
Omgosh just got back from our tennis match this morning! We kicked arse! Woohoo! I feel so so so so so so so good, heh. Never expected such an awesome game, everyone was as crusty as i was. We’re just such an adept bunch. Ah well… Can’t be helped. We were up against Westlake Girls. Partnered Bridget for doubles, 6-3; and singles, 6-0. HA HA HA! Northshore not, so cool anymore, ay Jo? Erh i hate that word. I still need more practice though. I need a partner, damnit! Poor Yang 
I shall later treat myself to indulge in some very very yummy chocolate dessert. Mmm! Lisa’s bringing me to a chocolat masculin boutique somewhere in Parnell. Yay! So good to have my "Saturday Buddy" back! Will be doing some revision after. Not sure if i should start on Bio or Eco. Man, i love crucial end of the year exams.
Off to take a bath. I’m sweaty, and yucky, and sticky. Teehee :p
***
Hahaha… spot the random ass
Blinded ♥
It’s times when you think you’re well aware of your surroundings and the people who play part of it, that you are absolutely oblivious to what that’s actually about to hit you. Its times when you’re caught so completely off guard, you’d stop to ponder if you were really that blind to miss what was heading towards you.
I know I did.
I wish I could rewind time, reverse everything that is now, so I could spend just a little more time with you…
I wish you had told me earlier…J
► I take pleasure in expressing my thoughts by blogging, particularly in the form of an artsy alternative. I love it when it gets you confused on what I truly mean. I’ll just sit and smile, while you guys try deciphering the hidden meaning. Ha ha ha ha
Like usual, here i sit before my trustworthy laptop, after a 45 minute walk back from school in the (not so) hospitable weather. My customary weekday routine, indeed.
Today is a Thursday. Yet, today i seem to be exceedingly aggitated. I have quite a lot on my mind.
To wonder when i’ll get my reading log completed. This week, hopefully?
To wonder if i’ll finally start studying for my exams which are due in a very short time. (5 weeks and a half, 5 weeks and a half)
To wonder if i did well for my Maths test today.
Na, i’m sure i did :p
To wonder if i’ll find a tennis partner soon enough- i’m beginning to suck.
To wonder if i’ll get practice tomorrow after school.
To wonder what would happen during this Saturday’s tournament.
Uh stuff this.
See, the thing is, Steph has a tennis match this Saturday, and Steph has not been practicing ever since July. So in short, Steph’s screwed.
I’ve never felt so patheticly unpromising! Then again, i WAS just told TODAY!
I’ll just reside to my little corner to sulk. I feel so shitty.
Omgosh. It’s Monday?! I don’t have enough time to study!
First day of school has left me exhausted. I want to sleep. I look so fatigued with my ever growing eye-bags. Uhhhhh. Astonishingly, I’m looking forward to the exams- cause that would only mean I’m getting closer to December! WOOHOO! And to think that I come back a day after SPM finishes. Gonna have a blast! Heh. I can’t wait!
Omgosh omgosh I’m so excited I want December come sooner! ♥ Rar!!!
1. YOU YOU YOU YOU OMGOSH YOU! ♥
2. Imma get myself blue contacts, ya’ll.
3. And do something to my hair.
4. PD TRIP OMGOSH!!!!
5. The prom! (if it works out well, of course, COME!)
6. Shopping/ reunion spree in
Singapore for Christmas.
7. New dress new dress new dress
8. Braces demolition!
9. Driver’s license.
10. Overdose of Baskin Robbins. Owwww, Love.
How can you not resist the temptation…
One thing which REALLY infuriates me while blogging, especially after only having four hours of sleep, is the Title. I don’t get why we have to HAVE a title for every post we submit?! Do you know how hard it is to spontaneously think of a Title without making it too irrelevant to the content? It fucks me off.
I think i’m just wholly lethargic.
Omgosh guess what guys? The prom IS gonna happen! Heehee hee. I pay full respect to the Georgians who decided to organize it. They’re sitting for SPM in just 2 months time! Man, you guys are just so so cool, and i love ya’ll for that :p I’m to the highest degree, EXCITED bout this. Heh. We’ve got a reasonably good deal of entertainment installed for you guys, so COME! Yes, don’t be a fool now, you don’t want to miss it. Watch out soon for a hefty mass of bulletins for more details regarding this event. The prices, date and time, venue AND theme will be announced then. Am currently waiting for more information to be confirmed.
JJJ
Just got back from New Market. Hung out with Cara for a while, i had a very deep conversation with her, rather interesting actually. Then again, I suppose we have a lot in common, considering how she’s here by herself as well. I’m thankful i have great friends, they make up for the family i’m without here 
I feel like i’ve somehow changed a fair bit, for the better i hope. I’ve learnt a great deal on relying on myself- being so much more independent than i ever thought i could be- during this 9 short months. Sometimes, however, i wish i had my family here to come home to. A house that isn’t empty 6 days a week, where i’m "acknowledged" by others- may it be for tidying up my room, eating the last chocolate bar in the fridge, or exceeding my monthly phone call limits.
And that makes me vulnerable. Because i long for security. I long to feel appreciated. I long to feel like i belong to someone, somewhere. I miss being home. Being around people who i know i can trust. People who i know will have my back nomatter what happens. The sense of protection, just isn’t present here. That makes me feel insecure, scared, afraid, even paranoid maybe, but fuck, don’t blame me. I have all right to feel this way, but i’m getting over it. Whatever.
I’m going to focus on my exams now. "It’s in 5 weeks time" That was a wake up call for me. I have to start, tomorrow maybe. Urghh… and so the slogging and countless library visits starts all over again.
Note: Do NOT heat up hard boiled eggs in mircowave, ever again. Outcome not very pleasant.
