Indefinable. Me.

Her mind is taunting her as it always has, again, as the sound of each raindrop gradually dims down in the background. This is no dream, she tells herself. This is reality. But she doesn’t dare face it alone. She doesn’t want to.

It’s raining outside again. The sound of the rain falling onto the grass outside seems to somehow calm her down. Everything seems so ridiculously unreal, but it is no dream. She takes a stroll in the garden to seek quietness. The cold night seems to welcome her. She gazes up into the slightly misted but glittered sky, the stars peer down at her as the rain clouds slowly make way for the moonlight to shine through. She is no stranger to them, as she has been returning to them almost every night now. Only they know what lies beneath that fake smile..

The drizzle has stopped. The cool breeze sweeps her face dry of her tears. She hates this. But she does not complain. She remembers a good friend of hers, telling her to face the truth, and not avoid it. She absorbs that thought into her already tangled mind, hoping that all this would miraculously disappear, somehow.

>> I’m tired, and frustrated. Nicholas will be arriving from KL in a matter of hours to follow us down to S’pore tomorrow. I just hope Sarah’s plans will keep me occupied throughout the 2 night stay there, or maybe even the shopping spree which i always look forward to. But i doubt it.

>> I haven’t been sleeping well. Thankfully i have people like doria, lynne, and my dearest darlin, to tolerate my nonsense. I hate this. But I don’t really care anymore. I have to go pack for tomorrow in a while and probably fall dead on my bed soon after.

>> It’s raining now, and i love it. Just to sit and watch the rainwater trickle down the glass of my window. I’ve had enough of this site I’m rummaging through: www.eggs.school.nz. Mom suggests I do a bit of research on it, "for my own good". I’m sick of this phrase. I really am and if I were to hear it from anyone again, i swear my head would explode.

>> Will be back on Monday. Hopefully the thought of having new clothes, and bags, and shoes will cheer me up a little.  J 

She writes, for the better. Thinking, for hours she’s been going on. But nothing comes out. Her mind, now almost empty. Only confused thoughts are left lingering. She wonders, what’s going to happen next. Will her tiny wings only carry her so far? Or will it instead grow stronger and bring her soaring into the vast open? She doesn’t know.

She’s afraid. Afraid of what lies ahead. Afraid that the lonely soul in her will reemerge eventually. Afraid that all the happiness in her would dwindle and somehow vanish. Afraid, that when she falls this time, no one would be there to prevent it, let alone reach out a hand. Afraid to leave the ones she cared for, loved. She screams, hoping someone would hear her, but drowns it every time it almost reaches someone. She submerges herself into a pool, not of water but of tears, so that she would not be found in such a state. So that she would be hidden.

Yet, she smiles.

A smile so deceivingly real, that no one is able to see through it. Only she alone, she alone will be familiar to this strange place. A place, where she’s learnt to accept over time, where only a simple smile is enough to conceal anything, and everything.

“ Do you think I should like, wear the glittery golden top or like, the glittery blue one instead?”

By Bobby Trendy, Material World.

Hear that from a GUY and what would your first reaction be? I would guess, a mixture of, total unbelief- to hear such form of girlishness coming out from the very mouth of a male, and, a great deal of interest to hear what he’d say next while you linger around. My friend (Shamin) and I however, were simply beguiled by such queer behaviour that it would seem almost impossible to try to distract our concentration focused towards the television, even during a commercial break interruption when enticed with some Famous Amos cookies and milk.

First of all, let me explain thoroughly on what “Material World” exactly is to those of you who happen to be unfortunate enough not to know. Read up (I stole this from the website, so don’t be alarmed by the sudden improvement- vocab wise) :

Cameras follow these in-demand professionals as they manage high-profile clientele, catering to their every whim and weathering their every mood swing while maintaining creative vision and remaining on schedule. Viewers learn about the designers on a professional and personal level, while getting a glimpse into the world of high-end interior design and the lives of their rich and famous clients. Designers include Jason Bell, Maryn Lawrence-Bullard, Susan Cohen, Elaine Culotti, Vincent Jacquard, Jack Levy, Benjamin Noriega-Ortiz, Courtney Sloane and Bobby Trendy (*screams!)

Now, I am pretty much sure that many of you have at least seen a handful of gay people before. (no, I am not against homos, in fact I find them very interesting, mind you.) But really, take a look at my all time fav Bobby Trendy, and I promise you, you will shriek like you’ve never had before. Trust me. His dressing very much distinguishes him to be, uh, different… from the normal crowd. He sticks out like a bloody sore thumb Despite his awkwardness (not that he’s not aware of it, he bloody hell loves the publicity it’s givin him) he’s not one bit turned down by what other people say about him. Seeing him prancing about in front of the cameras at some gala event in his glittery blouse with black feathers protruding out from his collar is really a treat for anyone. Girl or guy alike. Buy hey, that just proves that he’s got guts and an inch thick of skin on him. Way to go Bobby!

So there you have it, Bobby Trendy, simply like no other. Truly original, a socialite and always GAY when screened on the media. J Different or plain gay? You be the judge.

Well, at least he’s happy?

Just a few days back, I visited the club’s swimming pool to do a few laps. Mommy thought I would’ve been better off getting some exercise rather than sinking into the sofa as I strain my eyes watching MTV’s “Whatever Things” (they rock! Particularly Potsy, aww).

Not.

            So there we were, my mom, and I at the pool. The surrounding was pretty relaxing- the pool was empty, cool breezes swept the surface of the water, warm sunray, plus, there were people preparing for some function later on in the night, so there was soothing jazz music being played in the background. It was like swimming in your own private pool with a private band playing especially for you while you splash around in water. Damn, I felt like a privileged big-shot. Hah.

            But alas, good things never last long. Just when I was feeling victorious after effortlessly beating my mom in a one lap race, in comes the, err, not so welcomed individual. I would very much prefer addressing him as he-who-dressed-obscenely but, many would then assume that I am a fussy whiner, or a hypocrite, or both.

* Note: If you have anything against my dramatic/over-exaggerated love for criticizing, then don’t bother scrolling down. (but I SO bet you will anyway! Hah!)

            Okay, then comes along this guy, probably in his early 20’s. He struts in as if he owns the place, signs himself in, and takes his clothes off (eww) just to reveal, a not so nice piece of swimming attire- SPEEDOS! Now if you know me well enough, then you should very well know that I HATE, DEPSISE those god damn thong like swimwear! No, I am not weird, I just find it excruciatingly difficult to swim among men in those tight mini underwater-underwear. It’s disturbing. It may be a common thing, but wouldn’t the world be a much more beautiful place to live in if someone were to make it illegal? Why you ask? Well, because there is too much skin showing, waaaay too much, who some apparently think it’s sexy, I just think it’s obscene. Therefore making ME other people feel extremely uncomfortable. Therefore these poor souls who feel uncomfortable start shooting the ones dressed wrongly, nasty looks from across the pool . Therefore, chaos. See the connection?

            So guys, dump the speedos and stick with boardshorts. Please?

            Now here’s a little example of what the whole purpose of this blog really is (don’t drool now Shamin) :

          Choice (a)

              Would you choose choice (a)…

Choice (b)

                 over choice (b)?

                 Hmm… I thought not.